


And You Makes Home

by janeway_2cool_4u



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Aromantic Bones, Chubby James T. Kirk, Explicit Language, Lonely Spock, M/M, Mutual Pining, Open Relationships, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, Post-Five Year Mission, Roommates, Trans James T. Kirk, but not spirk, chapel is just polyam af, chapel/uhura is pretty minor, everyone's queer, i edited SOME of this, jim is just trying his best, low-key Matchmaker Bones, matchmaker uhura, oh my god they were roommates, uhura with natural hairstyles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2019-10-06 15:20:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17347622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janeway_2cool_4u/pseuds/janeway_2cool_4u
Summary: I shit you not this came to me in a dreamSet on Earth Post 5 Year Mission. Jim, back from a short training mission, has advanced to Admiral and is working with Uhura in an office job. He mentions to her one day that he’s looking for a place to live off Starfleet campus and Uhura mischievously says she knows someone looking for a roommate that would love to live with him.





	1. Spock Needs A Mate… A Roommate, That Is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look I know I did exactly the same thing that I critique the new movies for (under utilizing Uhura and really only using her as a way to move the storylines of white men forward) but really if I fleshed out any other character any more than they are, I would literally never finish this. So I’m sorry, Uhura. You deserve better.
> 
>  
> 
> Also I just kept listening to Little Mix while writing this, and believe me was I surprised that Red Planet was by them

“So Spock, what’s new with you?” Nyota asks without lifting her gaze from adding honey to her tea. Spock noticed she was wearing the gray off shoulder sweater Christine had gifted her for her last birthday as well as a pair of large gold leaf earrings he had given her many years ago which complimented the gold cuffs and thread in her braided hair. Spock thought her large bright green nails were… not aesthetically pleasing against the pale green teacup but he didn’t much care for his own irrelevant opinion.

“I am reconsidering the layout of my apartment. I believe it would be easier to get into a meditative state if i moved where I meditate from my office and into the guest room. Although, I have considered the possibility of moving it into the living space or my bedroom and opening up the guest room to a tenant or to the service of the Vulcan Embassy. I have still not adjusted to solitary living and I believe that particularly if I lived with another Vulcan that putting a meditative space in the shared living space would be welcome.”

She looked at him with openness and mild surprise. “Spock, I’m glad to hear that. More intimate companionship could be what you’ve been craving recently.”

Spock knew the conversation of theirs in which she was referring to, however if he was craving anything, it was not what Nyota was referring to. There was one that he has craved for much longer...

“I think I might know some beings at work actually, that would like different or more permanent housing. Do you have any preferences?”

“Only those that would likely be complementary to my temperament. I also cannot say if other species, especially Humans, would or would not appreciate Vulcan incense. The only Humans I have lived with in close quarters with have been my mother, whom did state that she preferred Terran incenses, my sister whom has always subtly avoided it, and Admiral Kirk whom expressed a mild allergic reaction.”

“Well, Jim has allergic reactions to everything and is mostly an exception when it comes to allergies.”

“Nonetheless, Humans in my experience do not enjoy Vulcan incenses.”

“Regardless, Spock, I know you to be much too open minded and compassionate to see that as a real issue. Although I do think it could be beneficial for you to have more positive experiences with other Vulcans as you have with so many other Humans.”

“Indeed? I do believe I can see the value in such an assessment.”

Nyota smiled over her tea cup. “I’m glad. I’ll put out some discreet feelers if you’d like.”

“If you are indeed, discreet.”

“Of course, Spock,” she chuckled. “You are scheduled to stop by the studio for any stories this week?”

“Yes. I have an interview for the Wednesday 1600 slot on the cultural impact of the agricultural issues occurring on New Vulcan.”

Nyota put down her cup. “That seems fairly emotionally laborious, Spock. Are you getting rightful compensation for it?”

Spock paused and looked to his now clasped hands, considering what she was asking. He had not thought of any the taxation of the research, preparations, and ultimate conversation. His first thoughts of emotional imposition in relation to famine of course are of Jim and his own personal struggles. But his _T’hy’la_ ’s wellbeing was completely irrelevant given that not only were they not together, but the last Spock was aware, Jim was sent on a lengthy training mission in the Alpha Quadrant. Spock suspected he may be attempting to redirect his concerns from introspection and refocused his thoughts. Given his own trauma from the loss of most Vulcan life and species, of course this topic would be difficult, but he was also uncertain there was anyone else that could explain the topic with authenticity that was not presently working on the issue and as such, would have a higher toll. But Spock did not often ask for compensation for his expertise. He considered it a part of his duty as someone dedicated towards education and the betterment of the universe. But this would be a...difficult conversation and task.

“What kind of compensation would you consider appropriate?”

“Well, not that the Fleet has much of it, we do occasionally dole out Latinum to those whom need compensation, especially if there is nothing else they view as valuable. Otherwise, you could possibly request for more of an effort towards resolving the issue from Starfleet from those whom might have less of an emotional response?”

“I am uncertain at this point in time, but thank you, Nyota. I shall bring it up to the scheduling supervisor.”

“Good.” She nodded, seemingly ending the conversation.

* * *

Once Spock had returned to his apartment, he took a good look around the space he inhabited. It was a spacious apartment with many windows where Spock grew plants primarily for consumption. It had been gifted to his father many years ago by the Vulcan Embassy, which had at one time housed some of the first Vulcans to visit Earth. While Spock felt uncertain in regards to how much of his personal life was present in this space was, he thought his own occupation of it fitting. The physical cumulation of the work of those Vulcans and Terrans all those years ago. However he was acutely aware of his loneliness in the wide open flat and the fact that he had designed this apartment with the help of his sister was not helping when Michael was currently helping in giving aid to their people. Where he knew he could not be, where he frankly did not enjoy being, but with many of the people he desired to be with. All except one…

Spock moved aside to allow the door to close as Elonat barreled towards him. His unusually small sehlat was still the size of a very large dog and came up on her hind legs to lick and nuzzle his face. Spock pushed thoughts of his _T’hy’la_ from his mind as he was filled with affection and the sense of relief he could read off of Elonat. Spock really only wished she would be this affectionate throughout the day. He frequently struggled to get her to enjoy affectionate touches outside of his return home and when she desired to be fed. So he let her express her excitement for as long as she desired.

Which was never long enough. For someone so averse to the touch of most, Spock rather craved it.

When Elonat eventually plopped back down to the floor she went over to her water bowl and Spock took off his coat and shoes and made his way to his bedroom to change into lounge clothing that would be more comfortable than his Professor’s uniform. Once he exited his room he looked past the large space in the living area to see if Elonat was satisfactory and as she was, he made his way to his study and with an open door, in case she needed anything. There was a small part of Spock that hoped she would seek him out for affection however unlikely.

Spock pulled up the files he had worked on earlier for potential layout plans and continued to work through his annoying desire to fill his apartment with another very specific being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've written & finished a couple chapters out, so *fingers crossed*


	2. Jim Needs A Place To Live... And A New Chair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one is literally just the work summary. enjoy uhura with purple eyeliner

Jim really felt like his life was like the broken down chair he was spinning around in. Once beautiful, purposeful, at its prime, then unwanted and passed around from room to room without finding a good match and now wasting away uncared for in this dimly lit room of dust and old computers. And Jim.

But really, he wasn’t that old or broken down. Hell, his mother was still going out into the black at his age. So was Pike. And _Bones_ , for god’s sakes, had just enlisted. He just, wasn’t wanted out there actually doing anything and he certainly didn’t like that his Admiral duties consisted of picking up the scraps. The Journalism Center wouldn’t be that bad if they actually had a job for him. Instead of leading content moderation, in a room, surrounded by computers he couldn’t fiddle with and the occasional visitor. This really was punishment for being the pain in the ass he was. Just like this fucking chair.

He sighed as he pushed the ground, squeaking around once more in a lopsided circle and began to feel a bit queasy. But also he was kind of hungry? And sleepy? But really needed to do something. Right after he spun himself into a nap. God this job was messing with his life.

Mid joyless spin, the door schoowped open to reveal a blur of red fluorescent light from the hallway.

“Admiral?” Oh no. That voice was familiar. Even worse. Jim was working hard to slow down or just stop with any kind of dignity so he grabbed for the table and consoles near him while slowing down his spinning with little steps.

“Uh, yes? The um, program hasn’t finished yet if that’s what you’re… here… for… Commander?”

“That is, in fact, why I am here, Admiral. You know, I was told you were placed in my department, but I wasn’t told where.” Uhura said with a smirk and folded her arms, tucking her PADD away.

“Oh god, please don’t tell anyone you found me like this.”

“Why, Admiral, that sounds much more scandalous than this really could possibly be.”

Jim scooched towards her to sit in front of the monitor he was supposed to watch. “You really don’t know just how bad The Brass has it out for me.”

“Admiral, aren’t _you_ The Brass?” Jim could really feel the smirk in her voice even if it wasn’t on her face.

“Yeah well--it still--they still--ugh, they still hate-- _m_ _e_. They still hate _me_. I bet they wish I died one of those near death experiences I had as opposed to actually dealing with me.” He slumped in his chair, which was not meant for it, in his uniform, which was also not meant for it, and hung his head over the back.

“Jim, though I understand your feelings, I can’t imagine they _actually_ think that. So they don’t like you,” Jim felt himself being pushed to look at her kind dark brown eyes accented with purple eyeliner, “I didn’t like you at first either.”

She looked too kind for someone witnessing himself make a fool out of himself so he closed his eyes and tried to fix his sitting arrangement. Not that that was the chair’s fault. It was mostly just him. Mostly.

“Anyway, I imagine you’re enjoying your work here, connecting with others, investigating issues, walking in on Admirals acting like children.”

Then there was that beautiful laugh that always made Jim smile. The one he was certain Spock fell in love with though, which always made his own smile… harder.

Uhura brought her head forward from being tossed back and moved a few of her long braids back and away from her matching electric purple hoop earrings. “I would agree that those are some of the enjoyable parts of the job, but I do miss being out in space. Particularly on First Contact missions. On the other hand, there is nothing more fulfilling than educating the public and putting my comparative linguistic and cultural knowledge to the service of everybeing of the Federation in a much more widespread way than working on missions.”

Jim just kind of... looked at her. With eyebrows peaked. “That seems thought out.”

“Well, I had to think about it. It was a bit of a career change.”

“Anything else going on in your life?”

“Well, I see some of our old crew rather frequently. Many of them come in for interviews and consultations. Christine and I are talking about marriage… possibly a family.”

“Really? That’s… wow, Uhura. Congratulations. I’m really happy for you.”

“Yeah, I keep thinking it’s perfect but then one of Christine’s other partners pops up to say something really entitled. We’re dealing with him but it’s made them nervous. Not about us, just generally.”

“My god, that’s awful, Uhura.”

She tilted her head. “You weren’t aware?”

Jim sort of darted his eyes around in confusion. “No? Why would I?”

“I just assumed you knew. She’s still working with Leonard and you know how he is with gossip.”

“You’re really okay with people just… knowing about your life like that?”

“Jim, I’m marrying Christine Chapel. Have you met an enby that lives more publicly than they?”

Jim took a moment to consider his time knowing them. “Yeah, you’ve got me there.”

“So how are you settling back in to Terra?”

“It’s mostly okay.” Jim kind of shuffled to the left to check on the program.

“Jim.”

He sighed. "It really mostly is okay. I mean, I miss everybody, I don’t really like the job they gave me, _again_ , and I…” Jim relaxed, leaning back in his chair and looked away from the monitor to Uhura instead. “I just really hate the living quarters they gave me. It’s honestly less personal than anything I‘ve ever had on a ship. I know the wait list really isn’t that long to get placed somewhere that doesn’t feel like a large dorm room without replicated pine furniture and white cement walls but I just can’t take Pike’s old townhouse. Which is what they say I'm on the wait list for.”

Uhura suddenly looked fairly preoccupied with her PADD but had a very strange look on her face that Jim had never seen before.

“What? Am I that out of line here?”

She changed her stance to cross her black stocking clad legs and leaned against the console next to her. “I just know someone looking for a roommate is all.”

Jim sat up much too quickly for the low chair to be comfortable or accommodating. “Really? I promise it wouldn’t be for too too long. What are they like?”

“Oh you’d love them.” Uhura said as she moved her PADD in front of her face.

Jim scooched forward, squeaking the chair along with him. “Yeah? What else?”

The processor finally bleeped to inform them it was done. She stood straighter and retrieved the information chip she needed. As she walked away, Jim yelled, “Well? Uhura, don’t leave me like this. Uhura?! Nyota, please!”

At the door she threw over her shoulder, “I’ll tell them you’re interested.”

Jim perked up again and rolled his chair back to his station until it squeaked one final time and thunked down with one its wheels rolling away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like and comment if you can, I'd love to know what you think! llap


	3. Jim Needs Better Directions… And A Fucking Warning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimbo gets lost, then finds something he wasn't expecting

Jim was really wishing he had Uhura’s new Comm number because there was a reason he hated starcharting missions. It wasn’t the lack of action, it was that as a country boy he never really learned how to read maps or understand directions. Jim couldn’t honestly tell right from left sometimes. His Mom said he got that from her. He got directions by landmarks and his wits. In all his 33 years he hadn’t died from it yet but he did tend to surround himself with others that knew how to tell where they were going and how to get there. Jim grimaced thinking of all of the ways in which that seemed true right now.

This side of town was a few blocks from the Vulcan Embassy and Jim knew that Spock at least used to live around here. He knew how to get there and then he could ask Spock to help him contact Uhura, because of course he’d know how, and… that was a terrible fucking idea. But Jim was running out of options. He was sweaty, had chaffing on his thighs, had to pee, thirsty, and lost. Not to mention 5 minutes late. So of course he just had to think of Spock again and how he’d say his body and mind is still adjusting to Terra, which could be partially true, but Jim also knew that there was probably some other stuff at play making him restless but lethargic and he had put on some weight. Which hadn’t happened since he was like 15 when he was recovering from… stuff. Anyway, he hated it. And he didn’t like all the places he’d gone soft. It just ended up being dysphoric. ‘But isn’t that just what your social conditioning wants you to think? You at a perfectly healthy we--’ Jim huffed as he blocked out the frustraightingly truthful voice of his current therapist. Like Spock. Jim closed his eyes and breathed out hard before he decided to walk down the street immediately in front of him and pulled out his small PADD to check on his location and spy on where the street he was supposed to be on.

He sort of wandered down the street, made a left, then right, then backtracked because he went too far before making another right, and his potential roommate lived on this short but beautiful tree lined street with expensive lamposts, well paved streets and brick sidewalks. Clearly this being was influential.

Who _ the hell  _ did Uhura know?

Jim looked around the street for the right address and before he finally found the apartment was going to be a part of what was clearly the most rich looking building. Jim wasn't really sure if he was even going to be let in, but then he remembered he was a fucking Admiral. Not a country bumpkin anymore. As long as Uhura left that bit out. ‘Universe, please.’ Jim thought as he walked into the building. There was a desk in the lobby and Jim caught himself in the mirror with terror and quickly asked the being he presumed was Vulcan if there was a bathroom in the public space. It seemed like the kind of fancy place that would. Not that Jim knew much of fancy places outside the service and made his way towards what looked like a dining area? But it was  _ really _ fancy. Jim rushed into the bathroom, locked himself in a stall, and took a deep breath before he tried to talk himself into being able to actually live here.

So he sat down, peed, got out, washed his hands, splashed his face with water, wished really hard that he had moisturizer for his thighs, and made sure he would be presentable with some ridiculously rich friend of Uhura’s. He really wished he was wearing something fancier than his black jeans and flannel. His shoes were nice, but Jim had trouble with anything other than Riverside or Starfleet fancy.

Jim made his way back to the lobby desk and asked if it would be okay for him to go up to the person he was meeting or if he needed to be buzzed in. The Vulcan at the desk shook their head, and Jim thought he heard them say something about “performance theatre” but he was already walking away. He didn’t realize they were going to actually say anything, he thought guiltily and he was really anxious to meet this being do he just kept going.

He road the lift to the 10th floor and made his way to apartment 15… which was in the opposite direction. He fixed himself up one last time and rang the buzzer. It only took a moment for the door to schwoop open and Jim prepared his best friendly smile, standing up straighter.

“Fuck me.”

Jim groaned, scrunching his eyes shut, desperately hoping what just happened didn’t just happen and definitely grimacing before he could see the one guy Uhura knew that was  _ this _ rich. The first time he sees Spock in months and  _ that’s _ what he lets slip out.


	4. Spock Needs Better Friends… And More Of Jim’s Smiles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they actually talk and *gasp* touch???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters 1 day. sort of. meant to have this up a while ago but i got stuck at work longer than i thought i would. also, i actually edited this chapter. i hope it's worthwhile. please god, don't let it be worse

Spock was aware that he needed to close his mouth that was slightly gaping, but what he  _ wanted _ was to keep his lips apart and wrap them around Jim’s lower lip which was protruding slightly. He seemed to be upset that his response to their anticipated reunion was such an inappropriate declarative, however much Spock wished to answer his request exactly.

Spock looked at him, the man he loved, the man he had wanted for years, to be his forever, his destined mate, that he had said goodbye to some months ago, he had assumed, forever. Jim. Las’hark. K'hat'n'dlawa. T’hy’la.

Jim somehow radiated the golden aura he always seemed to when Spock was feeling something he had never named but had aspects of familiarity or love or safety or endearment and he enjoyed watching his eyelashes caress his flushed cheeks. Spock noticed that he had his hair cut since he had seen him and that he had styled it this morning making it look crisp yet soft. Jim was wearing a dark red flannel shirt with a loose black shirt underneath, very flattering black jeans and dark brown shoes. He looked like he put some effort to look casual and nice. He also looked like he was trying to distract from the weight he had put on in their months apart, however Spock found himself oddly drawn to its presence. It seemed only to add to the the exotic qualities that Jim had. Spock blinked and attempted to push away such embarrassing and inappropriate thoughts.

Elonat begins to make her way to his legs and sniff experimentally at Jim. She began to shove Spock from where he was standing to the left, and more terrifyingly, closer to Jim.

“Elonat, return to your bed.” She makes a pout and he responds with a stern look. He steps back as she leaves and now struggled to look at Jim, but needed to know if he had opened his eyes. Unfortunately he had, and he was staring at him. 

“My god, Spock, what kind of palace do you live in? When did you move here?”

“I had previously resided in a lease my sister had had which she eventually let go. After the Five Year Mission, I relocated here with her assistance.” Spock peeked a glance to find that Jim was openly staring at him incredulously.

“Sister?”

Spock looked away again. “Ah. Yes. Michael was a Human adopted by my parents at the age of 5, three years before I was born. But perhaps we could attend to that topic after we have attended to the more immediate one.”

“Oh, yeah--I--I guess.” Jim gave him sidelong look with furrowed brows. “But actually. Not that thing where you say we'll talk about it later and then we never talk about it again.”

Spock looked at Jim. Meaningfully, but once Spock determined that he did not understand the reference he was making to a similar bout of silence, he nodded.

“As you wish, Jim.”

Spock had hoped that in the silence following Jim would finally understand that Spock did want to discuss an incident that Jim had promised to discuss later and then left for several months without contact, and perhaps he did, but Jim mostly looked around Spock's apartment with an incredulous face, making a shape with his mouth that Spock did not understand. Spock did, however understand Jim's fidgeting and playing with his hands. Jim was nervous and uncomfortable. Spock hoped that his own feelings of nervousness and discomfort were not as readable, especially given that he was attempting to give his feelings of hope and desire more to the forefront.

“I was unaware you had returned from your training mission. I am also surprised Nytoa would believe sending you to me as a potential tenant would be the best way of informing me of such.”

“I’ve been back for almost 3 weeks now? I’m literally working with Uhura. She never mentioned it?”

That caught Spock’s interest.

“You are working at the Journalism Headquarters?”

Jim scattered his line of sight as he responded. “Well, it’s not like I had other requests. Hell, I even said I would like to work at the Academy Library. I think that’s what landed me with this assignment. It’s not terrible, and I  _ like _ journalism, this job is just not for me.”

“What specifically is your position and what duties does it include?”

Jim ran his hand through his hair and made a small action with his mouth and cheeks that Spock believed was called a ‘raspberry’. Yet for the first time, Spock found he truly appreciated the natural light in his apartment as it made his hair glitter and shine like the sun.

“Department Head of Content Moderation, a hapless job in any department in any organization. But I don’t really do anything expect run to and fro the actual on site work of my subordinates or go to their offices. My own office is in the room where they keep all the computers where they process all the data and prepare it for other departments or broadcast. They don’t have anyone else to keep watch right now, so that’s where I work. Only getting up for emergencies and answering burreatic nonsense about initiatives and user preferences. Because that has so much to do with bleeping swear words.”

Spock cocked his head to the right. “I was under the impression that content moderation included many other things such as vetting hate speech, violence, and sexually inappropriate media for general audiences. Unless instances of those things  _ are _ the news story.”

Jim gave him the tired Spock had seen many an Ensign receive on  _ The Enterprise _ , “Spock, 90% of what gets cut is cursing and people royally misreading the teleprompter.”

“Ah.” There was an awkward moment that lacked speech as Spock was unsure of what to say. Spock was not sure of what line of questioning or conversation was appropriate for their relationship anymore exactly. “And you are in need of housing?”

Jim looked to his feet with a soft chuckle that pulled at Spock’s heart. “I think they put me up in old family style dorm housing actually. I’m on the waitlist for other housing and this just seemed like the easiest thing to change by myself. Housing.”

Spock was unsure of what compelled him to inquire, “Am I to assume you are expecting a tour and interview?”

Jim looked right up and met his gaze with a surprise but asked, “You still want folks to take off their shoes?”

“Indeed. There are slippers inside the closet if you would like them.”

Jim had turned to take off his shoes and tossed a soft smile over his shoulder, “You know me.”

Spock had hoped he did. It had not been more than 9 months since he had seen him, but so much could change in such a short period of time. It was the approximate length of the Human gestation period. 

Spock had to move away from Jim to keep him from watching the movement of his body, however it became pertinent to do so when Jim bent over with his back to him. He made the few steps over to the the entrance of the kitchen and waited for Jim to snuggle his feet into the slippers Spock kept for guests. But there was only one he really kept them for. And he was now wearing them.

Spock brought up his arm to gesture for Jim to enter the food preparation space. “This is the kitchen. I have many tools for food preparation and consumption. You would only need to bring that which you would specifically desire, such as your coffeemaker. I also have a replicator and pantry along the far wall. While I only prepare and consume vegetarian fare, I would take no offence to the preparation or consumption of synthetic or replicated meats or other animal byproduct so long as the dishes and preparation areas have been cleaned.”

Jim wandered in and stood in front of the granite island for some time. He brought his gaze up to slowly look around. “Spock do you have a breakfast nook?”

“I have been informed that that is what Terrans largely refer to it as.”

Jim looked at him with incredulity. Again.

“Okay. Let’s just… move on.”

Spock nodded and folded his arms behind his back and made his way into the larger living space. “In front of us is the formal dining space, and to the right is the informal dining space as well as the rest of the shared living space. You would be free to use any of these at your leisure so long as loud or intrusive recreational activities were consented to by the both of us and were not to aggravate Elonat as her sleeping place is in that area. I would expect you to hold me to these standards as well. For example, if I were to be meditating in there and it was bothersome or intrusive towards you, I would expect and desire for you to inform me of such.”

Spock moved towards the hallway. “This first room is my office. You would be welcome to set up a desk and office space in here as well as there is ample space.” Spock opens the door and lets Jim look inside. After a few moments he moves along the hallway. “This is my room. There is an attached bathroom.” Spock had to stop himself from saying anything about Jim’s welcomeness to his bedroom, believing that would be presently inappropriate. He opened the door for a short moment and moved down the hall one last time for the tour and entered the room. “This is presently the guest room which has been occasionally inhabited since I have taken residence here. You would be welcome to bring your own furniture, however you are also welcome to use that which is here. To the right is the closet and in front of us is an adjoining bathroom, either of which you may investigate.” Jim wandered in and looked a bit lost as he stared at everything in something that was not quite awe. When he finally left he made his way out to the hallway and waited for Spock.

Jim was standing looking at his feet and crossed arms. The moment Spock entered the hallway he asked aggressively, “Well thanks for the tour, Spock. I’ll let you entertain actual potential roommates. It was great seeing you.”

Spock put his hand on Jim’s shoulder and it sparked more than it should have. It reminded Spock of the last time they--

“Jim, I am serious. I have been looking to fill this room with a more permanent visitor. You are always welcome to stay with me for as long as you desire. In this case, for as long as you see yourself being stationed on Earth.”

“Spock, it’s a very kind gesture, but I’m sure there must be a better roommate for you than me.”

“I disagree. I have not lived with another other than you or my family. I do not see interviewing others and going through a trial and error process of finding a desirable roommate until I find myself relocating again when I know that we have lived in a similar situation in the past for 5 years. We are not only accustomed to one another, but I believe we have already had most of the disagreements or arguments that roommates tend to have. This is a situation in which we wouldn’t share a bathroom either.”

Jim looked at him finally. Sad. His eyes were sad. Spock could not have Jim leave him again. Spock would do anything to keep him in his home. Why was Jim sad?

“Even after… you wouldn’t mind?”

Spock was 87.98% certain he knew what Jim was referring to. Not that it mattered, he would still have the same answer. A soft, “Of course, Jim.”

Jim’s face had flushed that beautiful pink again and he moved down the hallway and said, “I still have a few questions and want to get to know Elonat better.”

“I am certain she would prefer that as well.”

Jim gifted Spock with smile number 581, friendly, affectionate, wide and toothy, crows feet eyes, and just for Spock. It warmed him but a part of him could not pass on considering that he could have had this returned to him 3 weeks ago if Nytoa had only thought to mention it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't be afraid to like or leave a comment, i'd love to hear your thoughts!


	5. Jim Needs Some Space… To Be Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Bones Stage Left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a little talk of masturbation and sex. Like really minimal. It's at the very beginning though

Jim had been spending the beginning of his evening by lounging on his new terribly soft and comfortable comforter while he played games on his personal PADD. Elonat was curled at the foot of the King size bed Spock had in his guest room, purring at whatever dream she was having. As weird as the whole situation was, how he mildly felt like some sort of kept woman or servant in _Spock's_ home, it _was_ really nice. Jim didn't have anything to bring in other than clothes, work things, bedroom and bathroom stuff, and books. And his other weird interests. Jim pretty much packed up that Friday night, moved in Saturday, and now it was Tuesday. So far Jim doesn't think he's brought down the property value too much. Not that he could really. The flow was open, all the rooms had great lighting--important for Jim's eyes--and there was more space than he really knew what to do with. Especially when he was so nervous around Spock. He was mostly learning how to live in his bedroom, and that was mostly because Spock said he wouldn't come in without his consent. Or if he thought he was in distress. They explicitly _did not_ go over guest policy. Not that Jim wanted to share his bed with anyone other than Spock. Which was now making him frustrated. And a little horny. But he can't risk getting off in the apartment _anyway_ because knowing his luck Spock could smell it or something. On him or wafting down the hall or god, when Jim brought out his laundry. There were no feasible options. On _The Enterprise_ , Jim would just masturbate in bed because Spock never went in there and their bathroom connected their office areas so Jim just kind of prayed it would never come up. On the _rare_ occasion he actually got to have sex, it was always at their place. Jim knew he was being paranoid but he just felt like it would be afronting to Spock for some reason. And it mattered that Spock didn't think he was a slut--but that _Jim_ thought that frequent sexual activity _was_ , unless he got to be kinky about it--because what he really wanted was Spock. In that way. They got close, that last time and Jim was sure Spock hated him because he threw himself at him or something. Or something. Or something. _Or something_. Jim never understood fully his standing with Spock because he always wanted something that they weren't. And it's not like he could just bring it up over a game of chess. So Jim snuggled in farther to the mattress and tampered down his annoying hornyness for the person that provided the mattress to him and frustratingly played his game as he tried not to think about the things he'd like to do on this or any other mattress of Spock's with, or for, or to Spock.

Jim's mind was considering a bathroom stall at work for some quick relief when he heard the front door schwoop open and Elonat abruptly perked up and scrambled to greet her owner.

Jim's not really sure he can handle another awkward evening with Spock. There's enough space for the two of them in the apartment but Jim's so anxious around him right now. But Spock will know if he leaves. If he's just quiet enough, maybe he'll just not go looking for Jim. But god, Jim wants Spock to search him out. And Jim tells Jim to shut up, it's not gonna happen.

But when Jim hears the door to Spock's bedroom close he sits up straighter in bed and waits for any more sounds. He could possibly run out while Spock changes out of his uniform--but there's the shower! Jim hops off his bed and silently but swiftly gets to the door and swaps out his slippers for shoes. He gives Elonat a kiss and a pat as she tries to go after him at the door and he slips out with a sigh of relief. But Jim has to find a place to go. He can't just… _stand here_ all night.

* * *

About 25 minutes later Jim found himself back at Fleet HQ actually. Not that he was happy about it but there was one person he wouldn’t mind seeing right now so he stood across the street of the Fleet’s main medical building. Jim had been messaging Bones earlier that day during his clearly very busy work day and knew that he should be on break now as Bones had been grumbling about second shift. Over text only he could really make that possible. Jim really doesn’t want to be a bother but he also knows that if he doesn’t go inside he’ll just wander around the city and probably make some bad choices, like not look both ways before crossing the street and going to the store for stuff he doesn’t need and starting up his hoarding tendencies all over again. And that was really hard to break. Instead he just left his home in Riverside. Had a fresh start at the Academy and really hadn’t looked back at all that crap since. So Jim made sure to check the traffic before crossing and going to search for Bones.

Jim gives the receptionist on Bones’ floor a nod and xir gives him a nod to the left indicating that Bones was definitely in the break room as xir continues to talk with one of the Physician’s Assistants over some PADD. Jim turned into the break room to find it entirely empty except for Bones and Christine Chapel. He wasn’t sure why, but Jim had assumed Uhura ment they were both at the Fleet Medical Center, but apparently they was putting their new doctorate in nursing to use in the Surgery Wing. Christine was munching on some chocolate covered pretzels and Bones had a large bottle of his favorite mango drink, both of which looked like they came from the break room replicator. Apparently they were already talking so Jim just kind of waded into the room slowly waiting for them to notice him so as not to intrude their well deserved break too badly.

“... sorted out. I’m not sure if she wants to propose, but since I’ve already been engaged I figure it’s her turn to get that kind of moment.”

“Why don’t you do something musical? She loves that shit.”  
  
“Leo everyone and their mother has been sharing their opinion on my potential second engagement. I not only have already heard that but I’m good on proposal ideas.” 

“Yeesh, sorry I asked.”

“Leonard--”

“No really. I brought it up. I get that it’s hard. Everyone has an opinion that they think is more valid than the last one you had to listen to and the only ones that matter are yours and Ny’s.”

Christine cast their eyes down and smiled at their hands before startling Jim with a pointed look. “You need something, Admiral?”

“Uh… Just hoping to talk to Bones. Sorry for… you know… the intrusion. Commander.”

They laughed and vacated their seat. “You’re fine, Jim. It’s good to _see_ you, by the way.” They accented their statement with a slap to the shoulder that was more forceful than necessary but Jim supposed he had earned some of that from his friends after avoiding them for so long. Of course, abuse and assault weren’t _okay_ , but Jim knew--

“Well? Ya gonna sit or just stand there? Oh shit you’re not dissociating are you? Jim? Buddy?”

Jim finally responded with an, “I’m good,” as Bones started getting out of his chair and plopped down in the one Christine was just in.

They looked at each other for a beat before Jim felt ready to talk.

“So what’s--”

“Is it okay--”

They stared some more before Jim felt it was okay to go first.

“Sorry. You first.”

“I was just gonna ask what was going on. Which it sounded like you gonna start with.”

“Uh, yeah. I wanted to know if I could talk to you about something that… you don’t like talking about.”

“Your gastrointestinal medical history?”

Jim winced before he even said anything. “My love life,” Bones sighed and he continued, “Spock, specifically.”

“My god Jim, again? What could possibly have happened? You saw him across campus and didn’t know what to say so you ran away all flustered _for several months_ and you really really hope he doesn’t hate you anymore? Because you know he’d never actually--”

“I moved in with him, Bones.”

Bones gave him a strange look, “Really? Good for the two of you. A pair of hopeless romant--”

“No, Bones. We’re not--” Jim lowered his voice, “we’re not together, okay? That’s the issue.”

“Jim, what the fuck?”

“Look, I just couldn’t live in that glorified dorm room anymore and Uhura suggested--”

“That you live with _Spock_.”

“Bones, I doubt she _knows_ , for godsakes.”

“So other than the obvious, what’s the issue here? You shared a suite on _The Enterprise_ for five years.”

“It’s just--” Jim shighed, ran his hands through his hair, and lowered his voice, “Do you know what it’s like to live with someone you’re in love with?”

“Can’t relate.” And of course Bones had to respond in his overly loud ‘tired of your shit’ voice. Which Jim really didn’t need.

“I imagine that’s why your marriage failed.”

“Hey, don’t be an asshole, I’m trying to be supportive of your insensitive ass.”

“I mean, isn’t it?” Jim mumbled

“Well yeah, but that’s not my fault. She had to go and fall in love with my aro ass and then was vindictive as hell about it.”

“Anyway…” Jim sighed. “It’s just that I’ve already done this, Bones. It’s hard, and… I need to move on. If someone doesn’t love me back, I can’t feed off their friendship like this. It was different before, but I’m entering into my mid thirties, I need to be a real adult and I can’t be a real adult if I’m afraid of going into the fucking kitchen in case I bump into him. God I’ve wasted so much time on that already. I just--I need to feel at home where I live.”

Bones was quiet so Jim looked up and found him with a look of surprise and making one of those weird puckered frowns that somehow looks like a smile. He brought up his hand and pointed at himself and raised his eyebrows indicating a silent question.

“Oh my god Bones!” Jim groaned and let his head hit the table again, “No, it was _him_ . On _The Enterprise_ from before. Five fucking years. And we’re sharing more than a bathroom now… not that we’re sharing a bathroom now.”

“Well, there’s you’re issue. You’ve gone all domestic. Before you were only reminded of his body. Not like you’d do anything mushy in the bathroom.”

Jim lifted up his head slightly knowing Bones would understand his sad puppy face.

“Oh god, what could you possibly want to do _in the bathroom_ that was domestic?”

Jim rolled his head and  answered with a dreamy lilt to his voice, “Well… you know… brushing teeth together, shaving together, getting ready in the morning, getting ready for bed, just... our things… together,” his voice got even softer, “Mixed with one another, life our life… together.”

“Yeah I liked those things when we lived together too. Hell, it was nice having that with Monty too. You don’t have to _romanticize_ it. Spock’s a part of your life. I don’t think that’s something he’s really willing to let go of again.”

Jim finally picked his head up and groaned. “Look, I know that being roommates right now isn't gonna be easy, but you’ve had a break from Spock and I think cutting him off again so soon is going to mean you really have to apologize next time. So I think--”

“Hey! I totally have nothing to apologize for! He didn’t talk to me either.”

“Yeah but it takes two to tango. You’re both responsible which means _you’re_ a little responsible too.” He got poked in his chest for emphasis. “He deserves an apology as much as you do. Especially if you’re letting non platonic feelings get in the way of your _platonic_ relationship. Anyway, it’s perfectly reasonable for you to move out. Like if you stayed til your slot was called for the waiting list. Then maybe there’ll be less domestic reminders and you can move past your feelings, maybe date some… you know, get over him.”

Jim looked at Bones for a while with a frown in both his mouth and his brow.

“Bones, I don’t think I want to get over him,” Jim shut his eyes tight, “I _know_ it’s probably just because it familiar or something--and you know I hate the term because it’s not like it’s _actually_ intentional or conscious or--”

“Self-sabotage? Huh. You may have something there. Getting hung up on someone you’ll never have. Convincing yourself you _can’t_ move on, so you’ll never force yourself to have meaningful relationships. Aside from me, of course.” Bones gave him a winning smirk and Jim hated it. He wished he could toss something at his smug face. “And I’ll never be able to provide you with _that_ kind of meaningful relationship.”

“You’re really starting to sound like Tara, you know,” Jim scowled.

“Why thank you, she’s done you a lot of good.”

“Yeah.” Jim took a deep breath and thought more of the ways in which he needed to stop using his friends like therapists. Even if they were trained for that kind of thing. He’d be seeing Tara on Friday anyway. It was weird seeing her in person now.

“So…”

“Yeah?”

“My break is done in a couple minutes and I gotta go to the bathroom.” Jim snorted and then he found himself laughing. Sometimes Bones really did know how to defuse the tension. And other times his snark could put them in life threatening danger. But depending on the culture, all of Jim’s crew was capable of that too.

“Yeah. Yeah, thanks for the talk, Bones.”

“No problem. Promise we’ll make plans for later this week? I’ve barely seen you since you’ve gotten back.”

Jim gave him a soft smile as he got up to leave and Bones followed his lead. “Promise.”

They walked to the door and prepared to go their separate ways and Bones brought up his stern finger again. “I’ll hold you to it.”

Jim turned but walked backwards for a moment and blew Bones a sarcastic kiss which he scoffed off before grumbling in the opposite direction making Jim laugh before he turned himself back around. Bones was right. He could do this for a couple weeks. That was all it would be. Living with his _friend_ , Spock. Jim had been confused when he first started living with Bones, too. He wasn’t confused now but he needed to start putting his friendship first. Jim got bittersweet as he quickly went down the front steps with a little skip to his footing in the sunlight. How could he forget? “I have been and always shall be your friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You really doesn't know desperate till you literally share a room with someone though Jim
> 
> *in creepy witch at the edge of a carnival voice* Tell me your thoughts, deep and intimate, controversial and inticing, tis only a fair trade
> 
> Or you know just some thoughts on my terrible writing


	6. Spock Needs More Fulfillment … And To Fill Out His New Prescription

Now when Spock entered his apartment, there was always a small sense of dread that overcame him. Spock did not enjoy dwelling on it given that he knew it was related to Jim's presence and he had wanted Jim's presence in his home. At a basic overlook of Spock's life presently, there should be no reason for displeasure, and yet he was displeased. Jim was still not his. Spock knew logically that Jim was a living being and as such could not belong to anyone other than himself, but Spock had found long ago that his Vulcan emotionality seemed to get the better of him in relation to romance. Jim was jumpy around him, avoided him, and Spock’s heart had stopped singing at his mere presence when he caused Jim distress. Jim was here, but was neither his nor wanted to be and because of that, Spock felt even lonelier than before.

Not to mention that Elonat had taken a stronger liking towards Jim so now she slowly ambles towards him and provides only mild comfort circling around him and licking his wrists. To think Jim has stolen both their hearts.

Spock goes into the kitchen and puts the kettle on so he can make tea after he bathes himself. Elonat makes her way over to her food dish and growls before looking back at him.

“You have food, Elonat. What is the problem?” Spock leaves the stove top and see that she accidentally bumped her water bowl over, so Spock grabs some towels to clean up. He puts aside the dish she knocked over to be cleaned and replaces it with another as well as more water. Elonat instead continues to eat the plant life on her plate that she eats outside of her main mealtimes. Once Spock has presented her with more water, she goes up on her hind legs and gives him a few licks that he responds with the rough petting she likes.

Once she lets him go, he gives her one more affectionate pat before going to prepare for his shower. When he glances at his image in the mirror he finds some of the Elonat’s food stuck there with her saliva. As amusing as it is, Spock believes he will need to take a water shower that afternoon.

* * *

 

As soon as Spock exited his bedroom, he could tell Jim was gone. Which he was uncertain how he felt about. On the on e hand, there was no chance of distressing his T’hy’la further. On the other hand, Spock estimated a 68.037% chance that he had caused Jim to run away from him. However, as there was no reason now to present his most attractive self, he returned to his closet to redress in much more casual evening clothes and grabbed a towel to continue drying his hair.

As he was putting on socks Sybok had sent him--that Spock was inclined to believe he knit himself given the darning technique was the same as their mother had taught Sybok as Spock had witnessed many of their lessons when he was very young--the kettle he had put on began to whistle. He walked at the same speed he normally would to the kitchen even though to his sensitive ears it was quite irritating, unlike Jim, Spock had found, whom runs to take the kettle off every time it whistles even though he rarely makes tea.

Spock pulled out a large mug and the infuser before putting in two suggested servings of green tea leaves smattered with leaves of a tea being cultivated on New Vulcan that Spock enjoyed together. Once finished with his tea he grabbed his work bag from the entrance and brought his items into the office. He placed his bag against his desk and took out one of the coasters that he left in the room for his mug. The room had been redesigned to accommodate Jim’s work needs since moving in, though they had yet to share the space at the same time, Jim had of course added another desk adjacent to his own with a much better view of the window, a plant for the corner, and a wall calendar that Spock would like to put their shared schedules, professional and personal and household chores. Jim also frequently leaves his items out of thoroughly defined places for storing which more endears Spock than irritates him. Expect for the instance where he stepped on a fallen stylus with his socked foot. Not even Spock’s love for his T’hy’la could tame his temporary anger and frustrations at the inflicted pain.

Spock had pulled up his research for his interview at the Newsroom tomorrow and was comparing testimonials of various contacts when Spock’s console alerted him that there was an incoming call from Doctor McCoy. Spock decided to take only an audio message as he had put his towel around his shoulders and he did not want the Doctor to see him in such casual clothes having obviously come out of the shower at his home office console. He did not need the Doctor to see Spock in such a vulnerable fashion.

Spock sat up straighter and accepted the call. “Good evening, Doctor McCoy.”

“Yeah, eve’n to you to, Spock. Look, I’ve got one specific reason for callin' you and I’ve only got a couppla minutes before headin' back to the second shift, okay?” The Doctor’s gruff voice filled the office and Spock adjusted the volume to better accommodate and suppress his emotional response to it.

“Your reason, Doctor?”

The sound of a heavy breath close to the audio receiver came through and Spock believed it to be a sigh. “Now you know me, Spock. I…  _ do not _ get involved with these kinds of  _ personal _ issues.”

“Leonard, I am sure there is nothing you need to intervene with in my personal life.”

“Yes there is you infuriating Vulcan!” Spock lifted one of his eyebrows and leaned back in his chair now that Doctor McCoy fell back on his preferred form of speciest rhetoric. “Look, if you don’t man up and make a fucking move on Jim, I’m going to set him up with someone else ‘cuz you can’t keep stringing him along like this. I won’t be party to the both of y’all’s cruel dance.”

Spock buoyed back up in his seat again and could not control the way in which his eyes widened slightly. He was silent for much too long as the Doctor started talking again. “Okay, I really do have to go. I wasted so much of my break on the two of you I can’t--”

“Doctor, your logic is highly illogical. My personal life is private and sacred as such being the Vulcan you continue to remind me that I am. I will conduct my relationships with others as I see fit and I do not believe ‘making a move’, as you say would be the correct choice for any of them presently.

“Yeah Spock, because denial’s what’s healthy for the two of you.”

“I disagree with your assessment of the--.”

“Look, make a move, doctor’s orders.”

“I hardly think that is a--”

The line went silent. As per Doctor McCoy’s usual manners with Spock.

Spock allowed himself a moment of weakness and placed his head in his hands. His hair was still damp and he grasped the slippery follicles. He could not think of Doctor McCoy as a challenger, that was unfitting and incorrect. Jim did not desire him in the same way. He made that perfectly clear given his response when they had once had a chance. As such there was nothing for McCoy to challenge. They had no such relationship. But McCoy was under the impression there was or could be. Spock lifted his head at the realization. He was Jim’s closest friend and confidant outside of himself. Could it be that McCoy knew something he did not? Could he see something he could not? Spock would be the first to admit that he was frequently blinded in issues related to his T’hy’la, but to completely misread the signs?

Spock sat at his desk and found himself falling into a shallow meditative state as he considered the facts. He was uncertain how much time had passed when he heard the voice of his las’hark ring out. “Spock? Sorry, I ran out for a bit. Where you at, buddy?”

Spock turned to view the entrance from his seat to find Jim leaning against the door and taking off his shoes. Spock cleared his throat to alert Jim he was within his line of sight. He received a pleased smile and a hand gesture that he would be a moment. Once Jim had wobbled into the slippers that were now his, he made his way over to the office in the most open and happy demeanor Spock had seen from him since just before the end of their mission. Jim leaned his body against the doorway with most of his body on the outside in an almost shy manner that Spock did not usually associate with Jim.

“I’ve just thinking about how we left things and how weird thing have been, so I just wanted to apologize for how we left things and the total radio silence for those couple months. I know it’s a shitty thing to do to a friend and I really do think of you as one of the most important people in my life and I know these…  _ emotional _ topics aren’t particularly appealing to you, but I never want to jeopardize that. So… I’m sorry for my part _ in jeopardizing _ our friendship recently.” Jim nodded and gave a small smile, having obviously felt good about what he communicated and what he had intended to communicate.

Spock could not look away from the first honest unfiltered expression he had seen on Jim’s face in some time. He then realized that Jim deserved a response so he looked down to his lap as he attempted to calm the feeling of panic at Jim speaking exclusively of friendship. “I… would also like to apologize for my own lack of contact over the several months you were away when I was fully aware that I physically could, particularly considering the way in which frequent constructive and honest communication is pertinent to the continued existence and health of Human relationships,” Spock looked to meet Jim’s gaze very seriously as he had been watching him kindly, “I also do not intend to risk this in the future.”

They held a steady gaze for a moment before Jim scrunched his mouth and darted his eyes around momentarily. “...So… we good?”

Spock gifted a small smile to him. “We are… ‘good’.”

Jim stood up straighter. “Great! I’m gonna go make some food. You hungry?”

“If you are offering to share our evening meal together, I accept.”

Jim smiled even bigger before he slapped the doorway and walked to the kitchen and putting on music while he cooked.

Spock allowed himself to move his chair and watch him while he wondered about the two separate conversations he had this evening about his relationship with Jim. Spock knew that he now wanted to pursue Jim for there seemed like too high a risk not to, however he was certain it would not be fair to do so without being honest with his intentions. Yet… there could be no harm in ‘making a move’ as Humans do. Testing the waters to see if Jim would be receptive to a romantic and sexual relationship with Spock. He could have discreet conversations with their friends, make romantic gestures that could be written off as platonic vulnerability and eventually addressing his feelings with Jim. Or if his T’hy’la did not have the physical and emotional responses Spock had learned to associate with Human love and attraction, he could not continue with it and disclose this occurrence many years later. Or never if Spock had his way because a future without Jim in his arms would be unacceptable in actuality. Spock then thought back to his Vulcan contacts whom he had been discussing the cultural developments of their people in light of the fungal based famine. Another shift in their culture that Spock had learned of many years previously was that there had been a change in their courting rituals. It is possible that the less direct Terran methods would be better than the outright declarations of Spock’s Vulcan upbringing. Spock began thinking through all of the experiments he would conduct in the upcoming week as Jim danced around their kitchen. Which he hoped would soon be  _ their _ kitchen.


	7. Spock Needs To Take His Mind Off Things… And To Finally Be With His T’hy’la

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock makes a move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me knowing that i want to keep their ranks as logical and close to cannon rankings as possible: ᕙ(ಠ‿ಠ)ᕗ  
> me also wanting to just follow the logic of post tmp and most other aos fandom works given what happened in beyond: ¯\\_(•_•)_/¯
> 
> Also I just imagine a hodgepodge of physical traits of both TOS and AOS boys so like, I imagine smol jelly bean Jim and tall green bean Spock
> 
> Also I'm writing a valentine's fic so this is gonna take a little while off in mid february

The musical notes that signaled the end of a segment played on the viewing screens a few feet from Spock that he can hear better than the Human working them currently. Now that his taxing interview had finished, Spock was looking at his hands and focusing on the feel of his breath as he repeated meditative mantras in his head.

“Wow, thanks, Captain Spock. That’s really going to be a helpful antidote to the story on site. It can be difficult to portray the import and tragedy of stories and events like this that can be a necessary part of the story to certain species. Like how a mission report needs more than just the facts too. Humans I know have a history of bleeding out the emotions--saying it taints the credibility--all until some sort of mass horrors start occurring and then people would say that it’s not--”

Spock takes one final calming breath as he stood from his softly cushioned seat before the news table which Lieutenant Jacobs had covered in PADDs, styluses, and a mug. Spock straightened his uniform tunic and removed the auditory recorder from his neck and left it on the mic cart for Andre, the sound worker currently setting up another newscaster. “You are welcome, Lieutenant. I of course thank you and your coworkers for the opportunity to educate the public yet again, but I now have personal matters to attend to.”

“Oh! Of course! Have a lovely time! And I hope…”

Spock had swiftly left the soundstage to an exit he did not usually take and while he felt some minor guilt at leaving before Jacobs finished what was sure to be their lengthy goodbye, Spock was much more focused on the feelings that he had been focusing on all day to distract from his distraught over his people. He had planned last night after dinner with Jim that he would ‘make his move’ this evening when Jim had finished with work at 17:00. Spock did not believe that many other Vulcans would agree that this was an appropriate method of emotional control, but Spock was uncertain he had many other options at the moment when he considered the distress he was experiencing related to Jim. It much improved his life quality if he chose to feel the anticipation, desire, and love towards Jim and the experiment Spock had planned for tonight than anything else. If Spock could not keep himself from feeling nothing, he would always chose this.

At this point Spock was walking briskly down mildly busy hallways he had never been down before but had studied after Jim had told him where he worked a few days ago out of curiosity. Or possibly ‘obsessive creepiness’ as Nyota had informed him. But he had also investigated where she was working after she told him in case he ever went to her office. This demeanor and unfamiliarity seemed to be drawing attention. The stares and whispers may have also been influenced by his renowned on campus, among the Journalism department, and more generally but Spock paid them no mind. It did get slightly bothersome when he arrived to the lift and he noticed that a few of those whom had been following him may go with him into the lift. Once the lift arrived, the doors opened to reveal a surprised occupant whom stepped aside to make an unnecessary amount of space for him. Spock stepped inside and heard the light laughter, or giggling as he knew Jim would refer to it, of some of those outside and as he pressed the button for the floor he would be getting off at, two others joined the lift and giggled a bit more before the first occupant asked, “Do you need a floor?”

One of the beings giggled as the other attempted to silence them with a ‘shush’ sound that Spock was familiar with Humans particularly doing to quiet their young, “No. we’re good. We just so happen to be getting off at his floor.”

The doors shut with a gentle noise and the lift returned to silence in which Spock pointedly ignored his followers by staring at the door to open at Jim’s floor. He quickly removed himself when it did and continued his purposeful walk down a few more hallways garnering more interest from its occupants and made it to his destination in quite good timing. He took a moment to breathe in at the door before he entered into the room Jim will likely be in and proceed with his determined walk to Jim.

“...7% of the excess is what actually gets stored in these memory chips. Which means we have to improve interdepartmental usage of the equipment by 300% per week to meet the guidelines set by… Captain?”

While Spock did not wish to interrupt any actual work, all of Jim’s six subordinates had turned to look at him with fascination, including the glasses wearing Lieutenant that had been presenting. While most were sitting in old unstable wheeled chairs, the Lieutenant and Jim were standing. When Spock had entered, Jim had been slouched over the ledge of a computer off to the side in what Spock believed to be a sleepy manner if he had read him correctly but he had jumped and scrambled and turned when he heard Spock’s “Admiral?”

Jim's face was red and marked with the indentation of his fist. He looked drowsy and certainly caught off guard, as he would say. Spock’s heart illogically felt like it grew another half size larger in his side at the sight of his T’hy’la.

“Spock!” Jim’s voice was a bit of a croak.

“I had intended to retrieve you before returning to our home and wished to ascertain if you would find having our shared meal prior to our return desirable. If you still have matters to attend to, I can wait, or I could also wait for you at our residence if you would prefer.”

Jim’s face had gotten more and more flushed as Spock spoke and after looking at Spock for a moment he scrambled, turning around, looking for something and mumbling, “what time”.

Jim cleared his throat, stood straight, and addressed his subordinates with much more authority than he had just moments ago.

“Alright everyone, good job today. Thank you for your reports but it is five o’clock and in case you were unaware, this specific project was intended to be infeasible in this amount of time given the interdepartmental communication necessary. This isn’t high priority so I’m gonna cut the meeting short now and we can pick up tomorrow morning when Aziz and I were going to draft up the memo anyway? Good?” There was a murmur of affirmatives and nods. “Okay, team, great work. Have a good night.”

Jim grabbed his PADD and ran over behind another computer and came up with a giant grin and a bag. He ran over to Spock with juvenile grin number 27 having morphed into bright, soft eyed, just for Spock smile 384. “Mr. Spock?”

Spock raised his elbow in was likely the riskiest action yet. All other actions, while had certainly been motivated to project a domestic relationship to those present in part to ward off challengers and spread the illusion of such so that the Doctor would have less success in finding one, had also been statements that might have been able to be brushed off as Spock’s honest and literal language. Perhaps it could even be considered Spock working at their friendship. But this was a fairly clear gesture by Earth customs. Jim’s face hadn’t given anything away yet, he was just looking at Spock’s elbow at his eye level.

Jim’s eyes met Spock's and gave him shy smile 85 before grasping his bicep with a fierce blush. Spock held his gaze for a moment then walked towards the door which, when it opened, had several beings waiting outside all blushing and shocked now, some backing up as if they had pressed their bodies against the door. Spock eyed a few of them before he walked out and past them, his T’hy’la on his arm all the way to the restaurant he had made a reservation at earlier that morning. Spock allowed a small part of him to swell with pride at at least being perceived to have such a beautiful mate and more importantly to be perceived to have Jim as his mate.

* * *

Spock pushed in Jim's seat to the table he selected in the secluded area Spock had arranged for. Jim’s demeanor kept changing to the slightly demure manner that he kept returning to whenever Spock instigated something now. Spock was unsure as to why, possibly nerves or shame for whatever reason, but it was not without its appeal. There was little about Jim Spock found completely lacked appeal. Possibly his struggles with communication and self worth, but Spock was not in a place to judge given his own difficulties in those categories.

Spock noticed Jim was looking not so much at Spock as his chin, possibly his nose when he looked into Jim’s eyes, so he instead picked up his menu and began to select his food and drink for the evening and give Jim the time to gather himself.

When next he looked at Jim, both had their menus successfully ‘dinged’ with the affirmation that their orders had been sent to the kitchen and they had returned their menus to the basket attached to the table. Jim was looking around the establishment with interest, but it was difficult to see past the plants that mostly obscured their table.

“You know, you didn’t have to take me to such a nice place. I’ve even got a pasta maker somewhere if you like Italian.” Jim’s gaze had thankfully wandered back to his.

“I cannot say that I prefer Italian food over others, I instead selected this venue do to its recommendations and the variety of vegetarian and vegan meals as well as dishes that include meat, animal byproduct, and those that will not aggravate your allergies. However I do have an interest in your pasta maker and its abilities. I am always looking to expand my food preparation abilities.”

“Yeah it’s somewhere in storage so I’ll have to clean it up, but it’s pretty expansive. My gran used to use it all the time whenever I saw her. It was meant to go to my parents when they got the farm house, but well… Anyway my gran always wanted my brother and I to get to enjoy it even if my mom couldn’t. Apparently my Dad was the chef and my Mom is _not_ … Speaking of families… your sister? Mitchel? Mykela? Mika--”

“Michael… It is possible you know of her, actually. Her full name is Michael Burnham.”

“You--you’re sister is Michael Burnham?"

Spock nodded, unsure of Jim's reaction. Throughout the years he had experienced many a different reaction to his sister and so Spock frequently hid their attachment. He did not enjoy the more... ugly statements directed at his sister, although it could be a good method of determining the quality of those he encountered.

"Michael Burnham?  _Michael Burnham_?! The first mutineer in all of Starfleet? Largely blamed for the beginning of the Klingon War given unresolved trauma, her parents cannibalism, and her Vulcan-raised background? Yet also considered the saving grace of the war? _The woman I wrote my second year thesis on_? The person that revolutionized the way in which we interact with and catalog other cultures as well integrate the Universal Translator--apparently made by your shared mother--and make First Contact? The _Burnham Method_ Michael Burnham? _That’s_ the person that helped you move into your flat?”

“Yes, Jim.”

Jim hung his head and muttered in to his elbows which were on the table in a most unsanitary fashion. “Oh my fucking god. This explains so much. But oh my fucking god.” When Jim finally raised his head his eyes were squinted with incredulity. “Jesus christ, Spock is there anyone you’re related to that isn't super famous?”

“While i do have a half brother Sybok of a previous marriage of my father’s, i have a still living cousin whom is not well known outside of his field and on my mothers side, I also have several less well known in not unknown relatives.”

“So your Human relatives are all nobodies?”

“I have many Human relatives, many of whom are worthy of note. However Vulcan society has more pressures than Human culture does when it comes to success of a certain kind. While Vulcan society has moved to focus more on the success, longevity, and strength of the family since the immense loss of our people, we have historically focused more on career oriented success whereas many of my Human relatives did not grow up in a culture which expected that. They have found success in other ways not in a job which provides for them, but in the way in which they live their life.”

“Okay, okay. I just--I just---Spock--A brother and a sister? And these things never came up in conversations? Like when you witnessed me mourn for my brother, have my sister-in-law _die in my arms_ , and care for my half dead nephew? The thought ‘hey, i could be an uncle one day’ never crossed your mind? You never thought I might want to know that I wasn’t alone on that goddammed ship--with people I could talk to--on having, not just shitty sibling relationships, but siblings at all?”

“I am fairly certain Yeoman Rand mentioned her sisters on multiple occasions.”

Jim gave him a look that he was more accustomed to on McCoy’s face in which he tilted his head down, frowned, and looked at him from a lower level. While Jim occasionally looked up at him due to their height difference or when Spock stood next to the Captain’s chair, this was unusual but he believed he was intended to perceive Jim’s displeasure in his response to what was, admittedly a valid question.

“I apologize for my evasion now and while we served together. I am more familiar with the feeling of loneliness that I would usually willfully admit and deeply regret that I have ever made you feel this way. I will attempt to open myself up more to you in the immediate future.”

Spock hoped that Jim was capable of reading his face as Spock was forced to read his in the form of a response. Jim’s eyes held his steady as Spock bore into him for a moment before scattering to the plants again.

“So what? You get that rebellious streak from your sister?”

“I would say it was inherited from my Father’s line actually. My brother, Sybok was banished from Vulcan society for 15 years when I was a teenager. He had created a small cultural revolution among our people to denounce Surak’s teachings and embrace emotions and was considered an affront to our way of life. He has served his punishment and if he were to prove ‘stable’ to the elders, he and his followers could return, however they are unlikely to pass judgement or return as they have not given up their ways. I keep in infrequent contact with my brother, but he likes to send me Hanukkah gifts every year, so I know he is well.”

Jim’s face was contorted in shock and confusion, that much Spock could tell. “What--” Jim blinked and tried to settle his face. “What does he send you?”

“Primarily clothing items he has knitted. Our mother taught him to knit at his request not long after he came to live with us when I was 2 and he was 13.”

“Wait, I thought he was your half brother through your father, he still called your Mom ‘Mother’?”

“After a time, yes. So did Michael. Our father did not appreciate Michael’s recognition of their parenthood to her as she did as an adult, but I believe he has grown accustomed to it.”

“Wow. I mean, I think I finally understand why your Dad was so shitty to you about going to Starfleet so soon after what happened to your sister.”

“Actually, he was given a choice to allow admittance into the Vulcan Expeditionary Group for my sister or I and he chose me. She had applied and was denied for her Humanity. I never applied as I never accepted admittance into the Vulcan Science Academy as they insulted my, my mother's, and my sister’s humanity. That was why he experienced many emotions and projected displeasure towards me after my denial of the VSA. Not my simply because of my choice of Starfleet.” Spock gave Jim a moment to consider this before he continued to something much less serious. “After the Talos IV incident, Sybok sent me a message implying that he had to commandeer a Starfleet vessel so that our Father may be ‘3 for 3’. I believe he meant to imply that his two younger siblings were still the worse troublemakers as he did in our youth.”

To Spock’s great pleasure, Jim laughed. His face went from contemplative to the the bright smile that shone like the sun (number 85) and laugh that was born of surprise and had a great depth that Spock did not expect of laughs (number 6). He allowed the softness at his eyes to form into his usual smile.

Mid laugh was when their server, Zeeshan, arrived with their food. They looked surprised at what seemed to be a pleased Human laughing not at a Vulcan, but at something the Vulcan intended to joke about. As such they quickly deposited their food and left mentioning something about calling them for the check when they were ready.

But Spock was still uncertain. He was enthralled with his Las’hark. How this could still be shan'hal'lak, the engulfment, Spock did not know. Perhaps that was what T’hy’la was, the continued experience of 'love at first sight' as Humans would say. Spock always felt the same consuming, enthralling emotion as he always had when it came to Jim, he simply wished that he did not have to wonder if it was because of the lack of a relationship between them.

Which he would rectify.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> broke: people can only have shitty relationships with their siblings because of their shitty upbringing  
> woke: people can have good relationships with their siblings because they bonded over their shitty upbringing and other shared interests
> 
> FYI Michael Burnham’s life is being explored in Star Trek Discovery, which has its events begin in 2256. This story takes place in 2265 or 2266. Interestingly, Disco originally claimed in its promotional content that the show took place 10 years before TOS, but in the Kelvin timeline, it’s about a decade later that they finish the first 5 year mission. Just an example of why they should go into the future and not the past with trek because now it’s deeply confusing as to length and history of the Klingon war and so much other shit--including the mirror verse--within the context of a new timeline. Which was a fucking terrible idea in the first place, but i’m not going to go on about the ways in which aos is awful. This is just a cute spirk fic.  
> ANyway, i have no fucking idea what Michael’s cannon life has in store for her, so everything after “vulcan raised background” i just made up on the fly. I’m committed to nothing. It’s why i’m still single


	8. Jim Needs To Get Comfortable… And Understand What Just Friendship With Spock Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *in the shangri-las voice* after dinner things get close, very very close

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol i'm the worst sorry for being away forever
> 
> *spongebob voice* halfway there!
> 
> 😩 I forgot to change the date posted from when I finished the draft

“So… Spock, are you like really rich or something? Because I know your family is important or whatever but, you realize you live in like the fanciest part of the city, right?”

“First, the apartment is not mine and was instead offered to me by the Vulcan Consulate as it is under the care of my Father. It has been their property since First Contact and has usually been occupied by more permanent guests. Due to my work with Starfleet and the Colony I believe they were more motivated to provide me with more favorable accommodations than previously. I will admit the strangeness of excess in the arguably socialist economic structure of the Federation, but as the son of an ambassador and a noble family, it is not something I am completely accustomed to. Further, Jim, I would like to emphasize that _we_ live in in what you consider to be ‘the fanciest part of the city’. I am concerned that you do not consider it your home as much as you consider it my home which you are a guest in.”

Jim scratched his head. “Uh, I mean, yeah. It’s something I keep having to work on, growing up in a shitty home and then moving over and over again as an adult… It’s something I still struggle with and… definitely makes it easier when the place I call home is gone, taken, whatever. I guess that’s something for Tara this week.”

Spock tilted his head in interest. “You are still seeking her care?”

“Yeah. It’s in person now, at the medical center. It’s… weird seeing her in the flesh when for so long it was her floating torso on a screen. I like it though. It’s weird to talk about this, but whenever I start seeing someone, it’s so hard to open up to them, to be vulnerable with a stranger like that, so I prefered the distance of lightyears between us, but after a while I kept feeling like… like it was more difficult to trust her because I saw so little of her, of her life. Now, being in her office, I feel a bit more at ease because I can see more of her. But it’s always absurd talking about such intimate details of your own life, someone being completely familiar with you and you know nothing of them. It’s not a normal Human relationship, but supposedly it’s healthier.”

“Do you disagree?”

Jim looked at Spock “You realize I’ve been best friends with my primary care doctor since the academy, yeah?”

Spock lifted an eyebrow. “I had assumed that you did not typically see him for your care.”

“I mean, on certain stuff, yeah, but others, not so much. I saw Chapel about my ADHD implant because that’s more in their purview and M’Benga on most of my general stuff, but I don’t see Bones unless I don’t feel like I can talk about it with anyone else. I guess right now I don’t have a primary. Huh. Just always considered Bones to be it... God Spock, I’ve really missed just talking to you about stuff. You always make me actually think.” Jim laughed a little. “I feel like I used to have all the answers for everyone, even if I was just as lost as they were. But you never made me feel like I could be certain of anything, that I should always keep thinking about these things… but I was never lost.” Jim sighs. “I really am sorry that I messed things up. I know it was mostly my fault and I…” Should Jim bring it up? Spock had been awfully close all night, could it be that he would be… receptive? Jim looks at Spock’s kind expressive eyes and he knows he can’t talk about how he totally broke his trust, how he lied and hurt him. Not right now. This, this was too precious. He’d do that when they had more of the base rebuilt. “I’m sorry.”

“Jim, you have already apologized, there is no need to continue. However as you have done so, I believe that it is my duty to return the gesture of regret. I am also sorry for my hand in our recent struggles.”

Jim smiled at Spock, brushed the back of his hand against the back of Spock’s in what he knew was more of a romantic gesture than anything else, but also knew that they had done this many times in the past, including a few times where Spock initiated it. He looked forward as they continued to walk in a very pleasant silence with Jim’s heart feeling a little lighter and a tingly feeling in his swinging limbs. Closer to their apartment, there was a single thing Jim wanted know enough that he felt like he could interrupt their silence.

“How was your day, Spock?”

Spock looked as hesitant as he possibly could, at least that Jim had seen in public. He tended to be more lax with letting his emotions spill out in private. At least private with him.

“It was difficult. My work in the Sciences Division and at the Academy was adequate, however the interview I have been preparing for has had me… emotional.” Spock paused and looked down. “I even took the opportunity to refocus on the plans I had hoped to share with you this evening to… ease its stress.”

Jim stopped, looked at Spock and put his hand on his arm. “Spock? What was it on?”

Spock couldn’t look at him. “Jim, there is a reason as to why I could not inform you of its subject earlier.”

“Spock? I can take it, I’m certain.” Spock still wouldn’t look at him. Jim sighed. “Can you at least tell me _why_ you don’t want to share it?”

“It is… related to a naturally occurring food shortage.”

Jim’s throat contracted and his muscles got tense all over but he closed his eyes when he realized what Spock was talking about. Sympathy and pain washed over him. What had Spock been going through, and had he been talking to anyone about it? Was he being exploited?

Jim breathed out, “Spock, do you mean the famine on the colony right now?”

Spock’s head snapped up, eyes a little wide. “You know of it?”

“Spock, I had Vulcan Cadets training with me on the mission I just finished.” Jim paused to let Spock think about that and continued on after taking a deep breath. “You know there’s been an influx of Vulcan Cadets and Officers since the destruction of Vulcan given that it’s taking time to set up the infrastructure but Spock, you’ve become even more of a celebrity, I mean, I knew of your renowned, many of the Vulcans I trained were very interested in my relationship with you. Some even talked about their people in their lives were ‘much anticipating’ your lectures at the VSA and some even speculated that you might teach a class remotely. They were crazy about you. Wouldn’t shut up about you. They all thought I would love to talk about the colony too, which I was, but… So yeah, thanks, and yeah, it’s hard, it messed me up the more he learned about it over time, but you doesn’t have to hide it from me. Spock, I work in the journalism department for pete’s sake. I mean, it’s something that continues to horrify me and yeah it’s messes me up every once in a while, but I tries not to think about it. I know for a fact that there is such a small amount of what I can do and that there are tons of experts working on it, there’s media attention, it’s not the same thing and even if it was, I’m still messed up from the destruction of Vulcan, so I’m not exactly the best candidate for assistance anyway. I logically know I have no responsibility here. I don’t even have any expertise other than to be able to smell it before everything went to shit and how to survive it, and I’m sure that people that learned from my own horrifying experience would be able to as well.”

“Jim, I am sorry for shielding you something that you did not need to be shielded from.”

“It’s okay. Just, try to be more open with me, yeah? I know you’ve got three times my strength, but I’m not completely fragile, and I know you know that. I mean, don’t be shitty about it, but don’t be silent about stuff like this either. We can work through it together, okay?”

Spock’s eyes shine with something that Jim doesn’t quite recognize. “Yes, Jim.”

Jim pats him on the shoulder once more and they continue to brush hands all the way back to their apartment. The whole time Jim can’t stop from thinking about how close they are. Not just physically--although that has been giving Jim a heady feeling, and why he couldn’t have wine with dinner--but Jim can’t even think of a time when they would speak so candidly about things like this. He thought if this was what it felt like for the other Jim in the other timeline, if they could talk like this, if he felt this way about his Spock. Jim was fairly certain that they were close in the way Jim _wants_ to be, but the Ambassador was always tight lipped after their meld. He didn’t want to change the universe, but how could he have not wanted to change his own younger self’s suffering? If they were supposed to be together, Jim didn’t think he would be able to not meddle. Not that Jim was certain Spock felt the same way, even with the look he was casting him from the space Jim was calling the Family Room, picking plants for Elonat, he just--he could never tell if he was just projecting onto him. And why couldn’t older Spock have just told him? Put him out of _his own_ misery? Because this was miserable. Jim took a breath as Spock came back into the kitchen and thinks about how he’s going to move out soon enough. He’ll get over Spock soon enough.

Elonat was very excited for the honey smelling plants Spock cultivated for her, making little jumps and circling around them, moving Jim from where he was leaning against the island countertop. Jim was only laughing at her, watching her wiggle in excitement at their return and the food that helped settle her stomach that he noticed that she was herding them together. Jim’s laughter halted very suddenly when he felt a large warm chest against his own. He slowly turned his head from where Elonat was panting around his waist and looked up into Spock’s dark eyes. It was as if time stopped with the breath in Jim’s chest when their eyes met. Jim knew his were wide, and trying to take everything in from the musculature underneath Spock’s tunic, to the faint smell of his unusual incense--nag champa?, to the electric feeling that Jim always felt when they were this close. Jim was drawn into the dark brown depths of his eyes and he couldn’t tell who was moving closer but he knew he wanted to move in and drown in his eyes. He wanted to touch--touch everything. Those lips he wanted to nip, that he wanted to have suckle his own, the crook of his neck he wanted to carve into, the chest he had seen  but was never able to touch, run his hands through the thick hair, pull close to his own, just _fall into_ Spock. He wanted to touch everything so bad, he wanted them to be one, not knowing where his touch ended and Spock’s began. He wanted to get lost in the heat that radiated from somewhere within all that is Spock. He knew he could tilt his head and they would be--

Chirp! Chirp! Chirp!

Jim closed his eyes at the sound of a communication request coming from Spock’s office terminal. He let himself feel the regret only for a moment before he fought it back with the fact that he knew he couldn’t do that to Spock, not again. Never again. They were friends. _Friends_ . And Jim wasn’t going to gamble that for the world. Not for these moments that he just wanted _more_ from. More than Spock was ever going to give and more than he could take. He felt something brush against his cheek and hairline before he opened his eyes to both the loss of Spock’s face practically against his own and the warmth of his strong chest. Instead Spock put down the food for Elonat, still whining and making little jumps and left for their office.

Jim didn’t hear him close the door immediately but the chirping did, which was confusing, why would Spock not keep his work communications private? After a few words the door did close and Jim finally let out the breath he had been holding in and leaned back against the counter. Jim put his hand against the heart ramming against his chest, trying to calm it like the rush of _want_ that was still coursing through his system. He couldn’t want this, but Jim was long past telling himself that he shouldn’t want certain things. He’d worked too hard than to punish himself over his nature. He did feel this way, so he knew he _could_ , logically. So convincing himself that he couldn’t wasn’t punishing himself about who is was. At least that’s how it always felt to Jim.

His heart was coming back to a steadier pace and he needed to sit down even if his legs were feeling less like the noodles he had for dinner so he got himself settled on the couch in the Family Room, Elonat following not long after. He lounged, laying his body out and looked to the ceiling thinking about all the other times he thought he had successfully bat back his feelings for Spock. The benefit for this time was that he would move out soon enough and not have his entire work and personal life surrounded by Spock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god that last part of this chapter was cheesy. Here’s to hoping the whole thing wasn’t as godawful as I think it might be *knocks back the rest of my wine*


	9. Jim Needs A New Wardrobe… For His Single Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> is that *gasp* cuddling?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posting this a couple hours late but it's not anyone else is reading fic at 11am est. i didn't sleep last night so i feel no shame. this chapter is pretty bad but the next one has been shaping up to be pretty fun to write

Jim had been staring at the sunset peeking through the plants Spock grew for about half hour since he had retreated into their office. Elonat had come to join him next to the couch, now purring as he kneaded her fur behind her ears. Jim was starting to feel uncomfortable in his uniform and figured that since Spock was taking forever so it wouldn't be weird if Jim got changed. He climbed off the sofa and over a whining Elonat before making his way back into his own room.

Jim sighed at the closet before him. It was filled with clothes he had decided to keep even though they didn’t exactly… fit. It didn’t matter that those pants that made his ass look like it came down from the heavens, and more importantly, made him feel good, he couldn’t get them _over_ his ass anymore. He just really liked those pants and if they ever fit again… Jim sighed again, knowing that they probably wouldn’t be the same even if he lost the weight. Which Jim wasn’t even sure he would anyway. When he thought to the memories of the Ambassador, _that_ Jim certainly wasn’t the trim waist he once was. He really should just clear out the clothes that don’t fit him anymore and fill it with clothes that fit _and_ make him feel good. As of right now it’s kind of bursting with clothes old and new and Jim can’t justify getting anymore than the bare necessities until he gets rid of the rest. God, he might need to rely on his un-hoarding techniques that he never really mastered. He just got rid of everything when he jumped ship. But when he jumped from _The Enterprise_ , well, he had accumulated a lot. Five years was the longest he had ever lived somewhere without interruption since before Taurus. So Jim just pushed back down all _those_ unfriendly thoughts because what a great thing to think about when he’s fat and New Vulcan is experiencing a famine. Just delightful. Great. Fucking fantastic.

Jim quickly puts on his softest loose jeans and a light sweater, grabs his PADD that he’s mostly ended up playing games on during his ridiculous amount of down time and goes back to half lying on the couch, Elonat’s head cocooned between his thighs.

But instead of pulling up his latest favorite game, Jim pulls up the rest of the presentation that Lieutenant Estrada had been giving earlier and it felt very… cozy to Jim. He wanted Spock to come and sit with him and relax. He didn’t want whatever this thing they had going on this afternoon to stop. He wasn’t really sure what would happen when Spock emerged but experience told him it couldn’t have been good news if he had closed off the door and been sequestered for this long.

Jim was just finishing with his notes for the follow up meeting tomorrow morning with his team when Elonat’s head popped up with an inquisitive sound. A moment later the door to the office opened and Spock stood still, and still in uniform, at the doorway. Jim propped himself up in more of a crunch type stance with more bent legs in part to show Spock he had his attention but also he didn’t like lying down when people around him were standing up. Spock looked to him silently and approached the couch avoiding Jim’s inquiring eyes only to sit down in the newly widened space in between the arm and Jim’s back. Jim snapped his head forward and look at Elonat for an answer as if she cared about whatever just happened more than going back to sleeping on Jim’s legs. But the position he had put himself in was already becoming uncomfortable and Spock knew what he was doing, right? There was probably enough space that the top of his head would only lean up against Spock’s thighs. Spock’s… thighs…

 _It’ll be fine. Right? I mean, Spock wanted this right? Because_ that’s _a great reason to touch someone without asking._

But Jim’s chest and back were starting to feel strained so he slowly leaned himself back down, his back seizing for a moment before he forced himself down onto the relief of the cushion of the chair and Spock’s surprisingly comfortable lap. Because of course he was closer to him than he had thought. But it was nice. And warm. And his back was at an angle instead of his head awkwardly on a completely different level than the rest of his back. Thank gods for small mercies.

Jim is definitely not sure what to do but settles on finishing up his last notes and figuring out what he could do after that later. Then he felt something on his head. A warm something, moving, nicely, slowly, stopping every once in a while, occasionally a light scratch. Jim looked up to the back of the couch to see Spock’s right arm lying against the back, so it was his clearly his left carding through Jim’s hair. But it was really nice. His greatest weakness. Jim loved getting his hair played with by friends or partners, family members never really did it other than the one time his mother tried to braid his hair. He cut it off with her sheers that night and tried to flush them down the toilet much to everyone’s displeasure. Five years old and seriously punished but his hair was never long again. If Spock wanted to keep doing this forever though, Jim wouldn’t say anything. It was getting hard not to purr like Elonat at his hand.

Eventually Jim forced himself to finish up his last few thoughts on his work and by the time that he had made sure the document was saved, Spock was brushing his hair back from his forehead.

“I was contacted in relation to my interview this afternoon. It was apparently well met and additional aid has been approved for the end of the month.”

Jim looks up at Spock, able to see him pointedly not looking back at him.

“Spock, that’s really great. But I get the impression that it’s not exactly what you wanted though?”

“I have been offered the position as Captain of the aid mission.”

Jim perks up and turns his body more towards Spock a little, unsettling Elonat.  “Wow! Is… is that something you want?”

“I declined the position as I have many duties here to attend to prior to the end of the semester but during the month of the break in this semester I said I would consider involvement if I could put my Science Department duties on furlough.” It’s then that he finally looks at Jim, pinning him in place with an impassive unreadable look but places his right hand near the hem of his shirt. This was a dangerous position for them if you asked Jim.

“Is there something else, Spock?”

Spock closes his eyes and takes a more obvious breath, what Jim has come to read as a sort of a sigh from him. His eyes find his own once more before his hand moves to lie against his hip and his thumb sneaks underneath his sweater. Jim sucks in a breath at his gesture and he can feel his face start to flame up when he feels Spock begin to caress the skin there.

“I will regret your absence. Particularly after our recent lengthy separation.”

Jim is really just trying to keep his breathing steady and not cry at something fucking ridiculous. Which is weird. Jim hasn’t really been this emotional about anything since he started T ages ago. But damn Spock, he’s playing with his tummy--his other greatest weakness--and talking mushy gay shit. Probably. _Probably_ mushy gay shit. So Jim takes a large gulp of the fuzzy feeling in his mouth and puts on what he’s sure is a weak smile for him.

“Don’t worry. I’ll house sit for you the whole time. Plus we’ve got each other’s comm number. It'll be fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a lot of anxiety over writing an original character pet or whatever especially because I know her name doesn't sound Vulcan even though Elonat translates from Vulcan to English as “both different and free”. Anyway she's a creature after my own heart. And pats. I fucking love her


End file.
